chiseler | Adam Parrish

Adam Parrish,

I'm not even really expecting you to read this after everything, but I have nothing else to lose anymore. So…here we go.

Now you know the truth. I've known since the first day I met you what part I played in this game, and in a way I probably lied to you more than anyone else in the complex. But the thing about it is…it wasn't exactly a lie. You never suspected me of being staff and I always figured you weren't. When we first spoke, it was out of self-preservation.

Four. Four days. Like. Love. Fake. Dead. Adam. Luke. Four letters. I don't know, maybe "four" is a sign. Four in some religions represents the creation of the entire universe, when the sun and moon and stars came into existence. Did you know that? Maybe that's what we were trying to do…create something new together. Weird, isn't it?

When we first spoke and decided to do this, it was out of self-preservation on both sides but…like I said. I meant everything I said in the trial. I meant every word and that was the last thing I wanted you to hear from me. It was only four days and yet somehow it was a really good four days because I had someone who actually understood things. And now it's gone. I'm gone. I'm sure several people are glad to see me gone, but they're not really my concern anymore.

There are things about myself I understand better now. Maybe if I ever see you again in another lifetime we can talk about it. Or we can just start over.

Do what you have to do, Parrish.

-Luke Castellan

Edited 2016-10-17 17:58 (UTC)

Luke Castellan,

Why wouldn't I read this? It wasn't that long ago that I told you I didn't care about who you were. I figured you being staff didn't negate our deal. Maybe it was better that you were. I had some protection.

There are a lot of things I want to say, but first: How are you communicating with me? Are you really gone? Are you watching us? Is Lara with you? I told you I've seen ghosts before. If you're around but we can't see you, it may be because of the lack of energy from the leyline. I can fix it.

I'm so sorry. That's the next thing I have to say. We made a deal and I screwed it up immediately. I couldn't protect you well enough. I tried, I kept pushing and I know it made me look suspicious but I didn't want you to get any votes. I didn't want you to die. I didn't think they would vote for you based on nothing but they did. Just a couple days ago, I thought they were mostly nice people. But they're horrible. I should have done better for you and Lara and I'm sorry.

I realized some things too. I never thought this would happen so fast and I was starting to think we could make it through this together. Maybe that wasn't possible when you were staff and all but I think we made a good team anyway. I think you understood me better than anyone I've ever met and I didn't really get it until you said it out loud.

It hurt a lot when you said that you meant it. It still hurts a lot now. It was like I just realized I had someone who cared about me and then you were taken away. That's not fair. It's so unfair that I keep thinking you're going to come back and that we'll have breakfast again and talk about what to do for the day. I had so much I wanted to talk to you about after the trial.

It was only four days but I feel like I knew you a lot longer. But not long enough because there was still so much I wanted to ask you. I wanted to know who you were really were when you weren't telling people what they wanted to hear. Having you to talk to made being here so much better than being at home. And I guess that's why it had to be taken away.

But maybe we can keep things going like this. Maybe we don't need another lifetime. Will you respond to me? Can you? Please. I miss having you around.

Adam

[ Adam regrets asking to be shot. But he probably would have also regretted the crossbow. It's just such a terrifying sensation, one he's feared since his father first threatened him with the gun. He doesn't feel great and he feels more out of place at the new home than anything. It's so... big and nice. He's not sure he deserves it.

Even if he did, it's all fake. It's hard to believe he's dead after trying so hard to keep on living but it wasn't worth it. To let a child be killed because of something he did... He would have hated living with that. So he accepts what's happened to him and explores the house before leaving.

It makes sense now, how Luke had contacted him. He hadn't received a response when he checked before the trial but he imagines they're due for a meeting. He's slow and uncertain but he walks around the neighborhood hopefully. ]

[They'd discussed this, Lara and Luke. They'd discussed the likelihood that Adam had really killed Franziska and while he hadn't been sure as the trial went on he realized it was true.

It wasn't like Adam to let people vote for innocent people. In a way, Adam was a hero. But like himself he knows nobody will regard him that way. The people on the outside...they were mostly useless.

Still, watching Adam's execution had been painful and he won't tell Lara this but he found himself throwing up in his mouth a little, eyes tearing away from the screen. It took him a few moments to calm down before he admitted he was woozy and needed to get some air. Which is funny, considering where they are.

So he goes outside and sits in the front yard under a small tree, back against it and eyes closed. He's taking deep breaths to clear his head and sort out his thoughts, trying to regain his bearings. He had read Adam's email in the space between the investigation and the trial itself and even now the words make even less sense. Did Adam tell people he didn't love him because it was true? God, of course it was true. They were faking from the start, it was all a lie. But...the letters made things more complicated. It's a lot to grasp.

He hears footsteps approaching though and he looks up suddenly, spotting Adam. It's not hard to see him in the yard and for a moment he looks afraid. He doesn't speak up immediately but he sits up and a little way away from the tree to watch him warily. He looks...okay. They're both okay and they're both here but...are they okay? What does okay even mean?

He says nothing. But he lifts his hand in a half-hearted wave. Maybe Adam won't even want to see him now that he inadvertently helped him get killed.]

[ It's a strange place. He wouldn't know where to look for Luke but luckily he's outside and it's hard to miss someone like him. Someone who's so... he doesn't really know how to describe it. It's just that he feels like he's drawn to Luke in a lot of ways.

Was he waiting for him? It's nice until Luke doesn't seem all that excited to see him. Had he been mistaken? Still, Adam jogs over to see him and he can't help how happy he looks and the way his eyes well up. He'd missed him.

He drops to his knees and thinks to reach out but he doesn't. He wants to see how Luke reacts. ] I... I'm glad I get to see you again. Did you get my email? I responded, I guess it was kind of long...

[This is maybe a good sign? It's interesting that Adam seems elated to see him and Luke keeps his expression blank for a moment. He tilts his head thoughtfully, quietly assessing the other boy even as he comes closer and kneels in the dirt next to him.

It's harder to ignore how much nicer Adam looks when he's happy. It's even harder to fathom that that happiness could come from something like a death Adam didn't want. But there's a small uneasy smile in return.]

...you're a better actor than I ever gave you credit for. I read it before the trial. I was going to respond when it was over. [But now...Adam's here.]

[ Adam watches him closely and it's not really what he'd been expecting since he woke up here. He thought things would be different. Luke had said a lot of things to him, but he supposes he also didn't expect to see Adam here so soon.

But he meant it, right? That's all he kept saying. ] ... I wasn't acting during the trial. I was upset, after... everything. I stopped caring about what happened to me because, well, why should I? [ No one else did. ]

...you couldn't have known you would wind up here, Adam. Lara and I have both been worried about you. [There, he says it, even if he can't really look Adam in the eye right now and instead seems to be twisting his hands in a knot between his knees. He pauses, licking his lips in a nervous manner before he huffs lightly.]

So...guess this answers the "really gone" question. Lara and I can see everything until curfew. And I can't see what the science team's planning anymore. And here we are. You and me. Nobody to put a show on for, so...[It's awkward to think about.] You've got nothing to be sorry for, by the way. I think I always knew I'd die young. But that doesn't change much of what I said. Four days is still better than nothing.

[He finally looks up.] You really missed me?

Edited 2016-10-23 05:27 (UTC)

[ He looks surprised but then there's concern there. Worried about him? Why? Did they think he was going to become unhinged? ... They might have been a little right but it reminds him too much of his friends thinking that about him. He doesn't want people being worried about him. ]

... The science team? [ Maybe if he thought about it he might be able to put some things together but there are other things on his mind, honestly. ] No, I should have... God, that's why we did all that. So that we could defend each other and I didn't do it right. [ He looks down at the ground. ]

But I... putting a show on with you wasn't so bad. I missed... yeah. Talking to you and feeling like I had someone there. It sucked when you and Lara were gone. There was just nothing anymore. You didn't deserve it.

[If Adam isn't asking, he's not explaining. He's not explaining any of that and instead he shakes his head.] I know exactly why we did what we did and I did my job. That's all that counts to me. I told you not everything on my profile was true. [Breaking promises, specifically.] ...Franziska was a bitch and she was gonna get us killed either way. You did everything you could, all right? You...I should have stayed quiet during the trial. That was my mistake.

....she's here. [Lara, he means.] We woke up probably about the same time and she came and found me. I think the others are around, too, but I haven't looked. I haven't really left my place much. Lara wasn't supposed to be selected either and that was my mistake, too.

[He runs a hand through his hair.] This place isn't so bad. We have our own houses and we can watch the Vault and everything. It's almost like being safe.

Why did you do it, then? [ Part of him really doesn't want to talk about this right now. He wants to go back to how it was before, him and Luke just talking. He wants something tying him back to reality. ] I couldn't let her keep sentencing people to death. I let her take you but I wasn't going to let it happen again. And can you believe it? She almost got someone this time too.

[ So he confessed. But he looks up when Luke mentions Lara. And then he's sad. She deserves so much better. He wants to apologize to her too. ]

Do you think... Franziska... [ Yikes. ] But it's all... fake. Do you really like it here?

Why did I do...what, exactly? I don't understand. [He doesn't know what he's asking. But he snorts and it's harsh and irritated and he grits his teeth.] How someone like her has any power over everyone is beyond me. Truthfully, if I had lived I would have killed her myself anyway. [He doesn't blame him at all.

...he nods though. Franziska's probably somewhere around here, but who cares. Adam says it's fake, and Luke's smile grows but in a more mocking manner than anything else.] I dunno, Parrish. We were fake and you still really liked parts of me, didn't ya?

You and the staff or the—the science team or whatever. Why? [ He defended Luke pretty blindly back there and maybe he shouldn't have but... he believes in him. He believes Luke wouldn't have killed him, that he had good reasons for what he did. There's a quirk of his lips when Luke says he would have killed her. He doesn't feel bad for what he did.

Then he flusters and shoves lightly at Luke's shoulder. ] Shut up. I... [ He's gotten so confused over the past couple of days. Things just started mixing together in his head. He had to keep calling Luke his boyfriend after he died but he wasn't really acting. He has no idea what this is anymore. ] Do you still want to... do you think... Instead of starting over, I kind of want to continue where we left off.

Where do you think that was?

Because we're supposed to help make the world better. The experiment's going to keep running until we get everything we need to help shape the future. [That's all he says though. He doesn't want to talk about this and he shakes his head, more interested in the other topic.

Which...is also a weird topic? So he grins but this time it's more real than the others.]

...picking up from where we left off? I mean I have a couple of ideas. Believe it or not, I had plans in mind for after that trial.

Day 5 - Letter

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