Adam Parrish

[chiseler]

I'm not calling you a ghost, just stop haunting me
and I love you so much, I'm gonna let you kill me
There's a ghost in my lungs and it sighs in my sleep
Wraps itself around my tongue as it softly speaks
Then it walks, then it walks with my legs
To fall, to fall, to fall at your feet

Comments

day 6

[antietam]

Luke Castellan,

Why wouldn't I read this? It wasn't that long ago that I told you I didn't care about who you were. I figured you being staff didn't negate our deal. Maybe it was better that you were. I had some protection.

There are a lot of things I want to say, but first: How are you communicating with me? Are you really gone? Are you watching us? Is Lara with you? I told you I've seen ghosts before. If you're around but we can't see you, it may be because of the lack of energy from the leyline. I can fix it.

I'm so sorry. That's the next thing I have to say. We made a deal and I screwed it up immediately. I couldn't protect you well enough. I tried, I kept pushing and I know it made me look suspicious but I didn't want you to get any votes. I didn't want you to die. I didn't think they would vote for you based on nothing but they did. Just a couple days ago, I thought they were mostly nice people. But they're horrible. I should have done better for you and Lara and I'm sorry.

I realized some things too. I never thought this would happen so fast and I was starting to think we could make it through this together. Maybe that wasn't possible when you were staff and all but I think we made a good team anyway. I think you understood me better than anyone I've ever met and I didn't really get it until you said it out loud.

It hurt a lot when you said that you meant it. It still hurts a lot now. It was like I just realized I had someone who cared about me and then you were taken away. That's not fair. It's so unfair that I keep thinking you're going to come back and that we'll have breakfast again and talk about what to do for the day. I had so much I wanted to talk to you about after the trial.

It was only four days but I feel like I knew you a lot longer. But not long enough because there was still so much I wanted to ask you. I wanted to know who you were really were when you weren't telling people what they wanted to hear. Having you to talk to made being here so much better than being at home. And I guess that's why it had to be taken away.

But maybe we can keep things going like this. Maybe we don't need another lifetime. Will you respond to me? Can you? Please. I miss having you around.

Adam