chiseler | Just don't let me disappear, Imma tell you everything [W10, post-trial]

[...oh. He recognizes that look and immediately realizes what Adam must be thinking. Of course Adam thinks he stole the sword. His profile card says "thief" right on it. But he doesn't correct him. It angers him, yes, but it isn't something worth correcting especially when Adam gets up and refuses to look at him and Luke's left on the floor flanked by two swords.

He's biting down on the inside of his cheek while Adam rants, knowing that it seems unfair but also feeling justified for doing what he's done. It hadn't been safe to tell Adam while they were still figuring things out, and truthfully he was still wrapping his head around everything himself. But Adam's mad and Luke's now mad and isn't this just lovely.]

Alice isn't the only one assigning third party roles. There's always been another person whose job is to hunt down the souvlaki from the very beginning, but he wasn't assigned by Alice. Alice wasn't even supposed to know, and neither were any of us until a few of us learned last week.

Edited 2016-08-15 08:34 (UTC)

[ Adam is a little bit too angry to really process any information at the moment, but he's still demanding it. He wishes he had suspected this at all, maybe stopped trusting Luke so much so it wouldn't hurt. Now he knows that Luke will keep things from him and it's better that way probably. ]

And? You couldn't tell me when you learned about it why? [ He's filling in the blanks with assumptions anyway, not really wanting to ask too much. Presumably the job was assigned by the admiral at some point. ]

[...he's pretty much expecting Adam to leave by now, and it might say something that he's not entirely fighting it either. This is so messed up. Everything about it is messed up, but he's trying and if Adam doesn't get that then...

...well. No. He'll have to force the issue. He's not exactly one to take things lying down.]

Because Jack asked us not to say anything, that's why. And in the interest of staying alive because I promised you I would, I listened until we were ready.

Edited 2016-08-15 08:43 (UTC)

[ There's a scoff that sounds almost like a laugh when he mentions Jack. Of course Luke is getting into stupid things with the worst possible people. He thinks about bringing Dave up, about maybe listening to Adam for once, but he doesn't. ]

Oh, sure, trust Jack and not me to be able to keep a secret. What does telling me anything have to do with staying alive? That I'd kill you? That he'd kill you? Because if you're worried about that, maybe don't secretly meet up with him.

[And suddenly Luke realizes he may have very well played right into someone else's hands. He stops, seemingly unsure of his next argument because he's staring at Adam for a moment.

If this still wasn't the right thing, than what was? It was a week. It was only a week that he kept quiet and part of him thinks about what would have happened if he hadn't said anything at all. It's not that he's not sure how to handle this, but he's not sure how to handle this when it comes to Adam.

He feels incredibly, incredibly stupid.]

...all of the information that I've learned about the ship and Harlan and the Cradle Project has come from Jack. [The notes he'd shared at the meeting they'd had with Grell and Dorian the first time.] I thought maybe if I found out more information I could find a way to save everybody and get us out of here. Jason and Elizabeth are in on it, too. [Or...were. Gods. Elizabeth.] I was the outside factor again. In all cases. In every case, I'm the one people are coming to with information because...because I don't know! I don't know why people are coming to me, I don't know why everyone's giving me as many pieces as possible, and I don't think what Elizabeth said to me is true at all! All right? Are you happy?

[...belatedly, he realizes that he might not have told Adam what Elizabeth had said to him when she spoke with him after her own alien trial. But he's too busy staring at the leg of his desk instead of Adam now.]

[ Luke isn't answering him and that makes it worse because Adam will fill in his own answers then. That Luke doesn't trust him enough, that Adam has completely misunderstood their relationship. He doesn't really understand why Luke is telling him this since it has no bearing on what Adam is actually wondering. ]

What are you talking about? What's not true? [ His voice is just exasperated and a little broken. Finally, he turns to look at Luke. ] You're not telling me anything at all. You're saying you have information and you're not giving it to me.

[He's digging both heels of his hands into his eyes, fingers curling into his hair and probably looking much younger than his twenty-three years would suggest. It's with that that he mutters:] I'm not the one who can lead us. It can't be me if I keep fucking everything up.

[Elizabeth had once spoken to him nearly a month ago and it's sat heavily with him.

"There are people here that I'm fearful of. I fell for someone's charms, for their lies. I'm not quite sure my feelings on the matter but we need someone that can organize us - I think that person is you."

Jason had later told him that he'd agreed to back him up because Elizabeth had asked. And he knows Adam may have felt the same prior to this argument. Is it possible to lead when he's trying to juggle so many things? That's where he's not sure.

Granted, Adam speaks up and Luke makes a noise that sounds a little like confusion.]

...but what are you talking about? I just told you what I wanted to tell you. Jack's been assigned to hunt aliens since we all woke up here two and a half months ago. He asked me, Jason and Elizabeth to start helping him. Now I'm asking you. There're other things, too, but I don't know if you'll believe it. [Or if Jack will kill him for disclosing them, but if Jack's going to trust then...well, Jack would probably tell him himself, right? Maybe? Fuck.]

[ He's torn between thinking that Luke is a hero and thinking that it's just arrogant to assume he can lead such different people. At this point, he doesn't think they need a leader. They just need to work together. ]

That's it? That's what you couldn't share with me? [ That doesn't sound nearly as dire as Luke made it out to be and honestly it only makes him more upset. ] Just tell me, alright? If you're going to keep things from me, then I don't... [ He doesn't really know. He just shakes his head. ]

Did he threaten you?

[Yes, well, he agrees that it's a strange happenstance. Wrote about it in his diary and everything. But he shrugs a little because it's not entirely everything but how to ease into the rest...]

...Jack told Jason that if I turn out to be an alien he has to decapitate me. It wasn't exactly a real threat but I can understand. We want to be able to share information with everybody possible but we also need to be sure. I wanted to tell you as soon as I came back to the room last week, but there was a lot of other stuff I didn't understand. I still don't understand actually, but Jack explained it as best as he could as to theories of what things are around here and why things are happening.

I want to talk to Jack and Jason about filling you in. With Dave exposed, we're going to need to work on a new strategy. Plus there's some stuff you should know about Jack that he told us. I'm gonna assume he'll tell you, too.

[He trusts Adam. He trusts Adam more than anyone on the ship, more than he ever anticipated...and he trusts that he's not an alien. So why is he hesitating?] It's a lot more complicated than I thought. There're some notes about the doctor that I need to tell you, too. I know I shared the information with Grell and Dorian as well, but that's where it stops. This is you and me, okay?

No. [ Just no. He hates all of this. He hates him and Luke getting involved in all this stuff. Why can't Luke keep his head down like Adam wants to? Why is he negotiating with the terrorists? He trusted Jason at some point but now that's totally lost. ]

I'm not listening to him. I'll listen to you. I'm not getting involved with him and I wish you hadn't either. Why can't you listen to me about people for once? Did you see Jack battling that alien in there? No, he stood around and let kids die and get maimed. [ Maybe a little hypocritical, all things considered. ] That's his job, but he's not going to do anything about it? You tell me everything he tells you.

[ He's just going to sink back onto the floor. This is the worst. ] What about a doctor?

I think you're forgetting the part where I was a pretty terrible person, too, back home. [On the one hand, it's frustrating that Adam's a frustrating person. On the other, he's pretty happy that Adam doesn't just take his shit so it's really a strange sort of feeling all around. He wants to point out that he hadn't fought the alien either and neither had Adam but he already knows how that argument would go, too. So there's a quiet sigh before he nods. Thank you for sinking back to his level, Parrish.]

All right, all right. If we're playing that game then you're gonna have to trust me to meet with those two when I have to. I'll bring information back here. We'll make it work. I'm not happy about what happened out there tonight either. [It's something he'll have to pick with Jack and Jason later.] So the doctor. Doctor Morelind, I think? Doctor brought aboard the Pygmalion a while back when the original crew came. I didn't really write down the notes but I've memorized it. They could have brought a Harlan doctor but they brought Morelind because of his expertise in...biomimetics? And nanomedicine, whatever those things mean. The notes said that he was supposed to monitor health and everything for the members of the Pygmalion, but his main objective was to monitor and ensure the health of participants in the Cradle Project upon activation.

Hold on. Why do you have to continue this with them at all? Why can't you stop? We can take this information and go on from here, no more negotiating with someone who doesn't even do his supposed job. [ No he won't let that go. It wasn't his and Luke's job to kill aliens. It's Jack's, apparently, and he didn't do a great job of it. Adam doubts Rhys was really an intentional thing.

He breathes and calms down enough to listen about the doctor, at least. He will add in a defeated voice: ] Biomimetics is creating things that mimic biological systems. Nanomedicine is putting the manipulation of atoms and molecules to use in medicine. [ He's rubbing at his head, but then he stops. ]

... Activation? Like, the activation of the project...?

I don't know. The notes Jack got didn't detail much beyond that but maybe? I didn't think a project would need activating but we did all wake up in pods. It's the biomimetics and nanomedicine that I'm more concerned about. Why would we need to mimic that kind of stuff?

[But He knows Adam has a huge question and Luke slowly shakes his head.] And what're you gonna do with this information if we don't have anything else to go off of? I know Jack is hard to trust but if he's the one receiving information we need to go to the source. [A pause.] ...and with Elizabeth gone now, somebody has to keep them in-check. She would want it that way. [There's a sigh shortly after.] Adam...please. There's fourteen of us left. Do we really think it's smart to turn stuff away when it could help us?

I mean, if you're working on a project that's meant to connect the living and the dead... Well, there was that whole thing about preserving people through brain scans. If they have that then they could create an... artificial human, place the brain scan in, and there's your connection.

[ Adam is going to slowly move back over to Luke. He's still hurt, but not quite as angry. ] Where's he receiving this information from? There's no reason to trust Jack. Luke, we can do this on our own. We'll find a way. Just believe in me.

[He's not moving so that Adam can at least approach him again and he's more apologetic than he's letting on. His pride's getting the better of him and he's refusing to bow just yet. He has to fight back on this. But he also knows telling Adam the truth is just going to piss him off further and so he leans back to let his head rest against the edge of the bed, resigning himself to a long night.]

Jack said he got a different datapad than the rest of us that had the information on it. If I didn't see the information myself, I wouldn't have believed it. It wasn't full notes, he just transcribed a lot of it himself based on what was there. He hasn't been in communication with whoever left him the datapad as far as I know, but they claimed he's the highest-ranking member on the ship. [There's a snort that seems to say Luke knows that's a Bad Idea.] You told me I can't and don't have to do things by myself. And I know having you with me isn't by myself. I am very aware of that pretty much every day. But there are more notes to access. I want those.

[There's a short pause then.] ...that could be true. That's sort of what happened to Jack, I think. I'm still not entirely clear on it myself. [....sigh.] Did you trust Elizabeth?

Edited 2016-08-15 16:27 (UTC)

[ There's the same heartbroken expression but it quickly turns into one of resignation. He takes it personally like he did with the information being kept from him. Luke doesn't believe in him enough to listen, doesn't think Adam is useful enough. He looks to the ground. ]

She was a nice person. I trust you. And Dorian. [ He'll be honest even if Luke won't be. He could easily leave now, let Luke do what he wants and detach himself. But he wants to be a better friend than Luke is being. Maybe that's how Gansey felt about him. ] What do you mean, what happened to Jack?

[It's official. He's pretty much done keeping secrets from him because that look is slaying him. It's the same look he'd seen on Annabeth's face near the end of everything of someone who accepts a terrible fate even if they don't want to. It's never been about Adam not being enough. It's always been about Luke not being humble enough to let go of control. How to fix that appropriately, he doesn't know, but he'll have to try.]

I kinda trust Dorian, but I still don't think he won't throw me to the wolves if it'll save himself. [It's bothered him, the admission that Dorian would scapegoat him. It's the same way Roxy's same confession bothered him. He's played this game as carefully as he can. He's not going to die without it being his own choice.] Anyway as for Jack, guy's like our dear Alice. Just…differently designed. Not sure how he's a real person now, but he's an AI, too. That's the other reason Jack's trying to solve everything and why he brought in the three of us.

We'd do the same to him. [ Of course he knows that Dorian will serve his own interests. That's exactly what Adam's doing, and what he's figured Luke has always been doing. It's a nice sort of bond. In fact, that's how his and Luke's friendship started out—both of them realizing one could easily betray the other, being ready for it, but building up something for their own selfish reasons. Now it's not like that and it's far less comfortable for Adam, less comfortable than this understanding with Dorian is.

He almost doesn't believe what Luke is saying. It sounds like a joke that's being used to lighten the blow of some other confession. ] What? ... Jesus. [ Give him a minute. It makes a little bit of sense. He remembers Jack correcting him that AI can have feelings and imagines he sounded insensitive in that case, but... He doesn't think he was wrong. They can't have feelings and Jack being one doesn't change his opinion on it at all. It makes him more dangerous. ]

He's not a real person. He can't feel things no matter what he says. He's been programmed to think he can, he's probably been programmed to think a lot of things... [ He shakes his head. ]

We're a package deal, right? If you're going to keep doing stupid crap, I have to go with you.

Would we. [But it's not so much a question as it is a statement, a soft blow that yes, of course he'd do anything to save himself and Adam but that it's still something of a crime that people are targeting him for stupid reasons. He knows better.

Things are different. He's broken something he doesn't quite understand. It's not betrayal like it was with Camp or with the girls, but it's enough to be mildly unsettling. Saying "sorry" doesn't seem to be appropriate right now either.]

That's what he said. That he was an AI that was uploaded into Rhys's head and when he first woke up he hadn't realized he was dead or that he was an AI. Being here is all about perception…[…yeah the more he says it out loud the dumber it sounds. He wants to maybe believe but he doesn't know shit about technology. Maybe Jack is like Alice. Maybe they both just think he's an idiot. And that's insulting, but he doesn't say anything.] It's all the more reason we should keep an eye on him though, right? Together. I don't trust that he's not a little unhinged but if he's programmed right he might be our key to fixing the ship, too. Together. [That bears repeating.] We'll talk to him just once to see what he says. If you want to bail after that, we'll find another way.

…[And there's a small, tentative grin.] So…how mad are you still? [He's also moving to nudge Adelina's sword toward Adam again.]

Rhys? What does he have to do with it? Is that why Jack shot him? [ It's just a guess because. What does that even mean, uploaded into Rhys's head? He really hates this and is wishing it was as simple as the dead made things out to be earlier. He rubs at his eyes, overwhelmed and upset. ]

... You'd listen to me? [ It sounds like he's trying to hope again. There's a lot that's been broken here. The entire way he viewed their relationship has to be restructured and he's trying to slowly piece things together again. He doesn't look at Luke but he sees the sword being moved out of the corner of his eye. ]

I'm not happy. I don't know—after everything I've tried to do for us, I don't know why you'd do this. I don't get it. I think I was wrong about a lot of things and I hate that you made me look stupid. [ It's an attempt. If he keeps it in, he knows there's no way to rebuild. He has a lot of regrets about how he treated Gansey for a while, not allowing them to fix things. So he'll try here. ]

I don't know. [It's an honest answer. He doesn't understand most of what happened with Jack and Rhys but Luke's arrogant enough he thinks two volatile personalities like Jack and Jason need him. Elizabeth was the balancer of those two men and Luke had been added at the last-minutes. (Truth be told he's just as volatile at times, but he's been working to be more responsible.] Jack might explain it but I don't really know.

[Here he looks genuinely hurt at least, though he has no one to blame but himself.] Of course I would. I get it. I moved without you and that's not how a partnership works. Guess I'm still re-learning how to work with people and not just myself. [It's not a satisfactory answer, but in the sake of being honest he's only saying what he has clear answers to.]

[There's a calm, collected look as he regards Adam carefully. If he didn't care so much about Adam's opinion and his thoughts on the matter, he'd automatically be defensive. As it is, it's a quiet sort of guarded and he drums his fingers on the floor.] How so? [He'll listen at least.]

[ There's a quick look of disbelief on his face that Luke hasn't bothered to ask these questions. How could he get himself involved like this without knowing everything? It makes his faith in this situation sink, but he also knows this is why he needs to be a part of it. Luke doesn't need him, but Adam will try to make things safe for him.

The answer is enough for him at least. He knows what it's like to act alone, to betray a friend's trust. He probably deserves to feel this in some way, because his friends in Henrietta would never do it to him. He's been lucky. ]

I thought we were doing everything together. I thought we could only rely on each other, so I told you everything and didn't think about hiding anything from you. It was stupid. We haven't known each other for that long and I assumed. It's my fault. [ This is a first for him, a conversation about feeling hurt. He hopes he doesn't screw it up. ]

[Well…I mean…this is the same boy who got himself involved with the Lord of the Titans without asking a lot of questions because he's an idiot. He's realizing that there's not a huge difference between then and now. He has some amount of wisdom, sure, but it's the same pattern. It's something he needs to be honest with Adam about, something he hasn't really made clear because he knows, he knows it's a horrible way to approach things. Adam at least deserves the truth.]

It was stupid. I mean what I did, not what you did. Or maybe that was stupid too? I don't know, I don't want it to be stupid. [There's a short pause.] …that part isn't your fault. That's on me. I didn't uphold my end of our deal and that's entirely on me. [Which is a big thing to admit. In most things, Luke shifts his blame to someone else. It's the fault of his father, it's the fault of the girls for not coming with him, it's the fault of Percy, it's fault, fault, fault. But here…it's only his fault. It's very mollifying.] I'm sorry. I know that means nothing now, probably, but I'm sorry…I got desperate for answers. I wanted something that would make sense and I thought maybe having more information would help. I wanted to understand it better first but it doesn't matter now because I should have told you. [That's it. No excuses. He should have explained everything.] I know better. Even if I was wrong about Dave, I know that you're the only thing that's keeping me going here and I should have known better because you're you. That's the whole point, isn't it? […yeah he's stopped looking at him because that wasn't quite what he meant to say, but okay.]

And if you don't trust me as much after this, well…I can't really blame you for that either. [As much as he wants to make it better. He looks at Adelina's sword, hand moving to spin it just a little on the floor.] I know what you're thinking, by the way. I didn't steal this from anybody so…if that's what you're worried about, don't. But please consider taking it at least.

[ If he thought about it more, maybe he would realize that the blame in Luke's narrative is never quite with him. The way he's been introduced to the story is that a lot of things happened to Luke, that Luke didn't have much of a choice because of other people, because of fate. He doesn't think about it much because he's the opposite, always blaming himself, always thinking there's something wrong with him that causes these things to happen. Something that others will one day see and blame him for too.

This helps because Luke is telling him not to blame himself. Maybe he didn't make a mistake here, didn't misunderstand or do something that caused Luke to not trust him with this. There's a cautious sort of calm coming over him. He doesn't get apologies very often, or... ever. All of his friends are too stubborn to apologize and it makes him realize exactly how much this means coming from Luke. He's stubborn too, he's proud, this is hard for him. He looks over at Luke, gaze softening. ]

... I understand. [ In a way. He wouldn't have done the same, but he knows Luke has gone longer without friends, without people to confide in. ] It's getting to everyone, I know. It's frustrating and sick—but we can't let it separate us. Or they're going to break us too. I need you with me, Luke, and I need to trust you. I do trust you. I just want you to believe in me.

[ He moves closer until he's in front of Luke and he grabs the sword, takes it up and tries to get used to the feel of it. It should show that, yes, he's taking it. He was always planning to. ] How'd you get it? [ He realizes it's a dumb question after he asks. If he didn't steal it, it was given to him. He doesn't know why Elizabeth would give him another sword, but it's something. ] Elizabeth?

[In truth, it's part of why he knows it's important to specify. He doesn't know exactly how deep Adam's issues go but he can take a guess. For once this isn't something that's happened to him, it's something he's caused. It's his fault, his doing, and he needs to specify that to make it real. All he wants is to regain the same sense of calm security that's usually present when Adam's around, and vice versa. It's not something he was aware of before it nearly slipped through his hands again. It's…nice, he thinks, to have these people trust him, to have people treat him the way they had before he tried to destroy the world.

He'd still destroy the world, of course, but now the reasons have changed. He still doesn't quite meet Adam's gaze but there's a small, sheepish smile. That's what needed to be said. He doesn't so much care about acceptance because he knows he and Adam won't always agree. But understanding is what he needed out of all of this.] I know. Trust me, if I didn't believe in you I wouldn't have told you all of this now and then some. I also wouldn't have worn a leash I could have easily removed. [Just saying.] Every other move we're doing together. I promise.

[He finally looks up when Adam gets closer and takes the sword, watching with interest as he swings it a bit in the way Luke's been training him. He nods though.] Elizabeth via Jason, I guess you could say. Jason has his laser sword [Lightsaber, but whatever.] so he figured I could use this one. I'm one of the only swordfighters left on the ship. [And he looks a little more proud.] But what's the point of me teaching you how to fight if you don't have your own weapon?

[ Adam manages a quirk of his lips when Luke mentions the leash. His eyes flick over to it where it's abandoned on the ground, the smiling balloon gazing at them. It feels judgmental. Times like these show him how broken they both are and how desperately they cling to each other for something to believe in. There's no way he could abandon Luke now or think any less of him. It's too late. ]

I know. [ He believes him fully. Maybe it is stupid. He doesn't care. ] I'll do anything possible to get us out together. If it means going along with some AI, so be it. You're not doing anything alone.

[ It's a nice sword. He feels bad about it since Adelina didn't give it to him. Would she even want him to have it? Probably not. He could send her a letter in Furry Passing, if it'd even get there. ] We can have real sword fights now. I want to train tomorrow. But for now, I think... [ He looks at Luke, his expression tired but concerned. He'd like to sleep on all of this and wake up fresh but he also doesn't want to leave Luke to wallow all night. ]

[That poor, now-monocled balloon. He's trying not to look at it kind of the same way he's trying not to look so relieved that Adam's seemingly forgiven him now but it's hard to bite back the reassured grin. They're both really, really screwed without each other. He's accepted that.]

I was hoping you'd eventually say that. It'll be fine. Jack doesn't have his gun anymore so that should help, too.

[The idea of training seems to pique his interest, too.] It'd be a good idea for you to get real practice in and not twirl around our room swinging Backbiter when you think I'm not looking. [Sometimes Luke sleeps early. Sometimes Luke just likes to observe and pretend he's sleeping. But he nods once he notices that Adam's a little drained.] ...call it an early night, Parrish. I'll try not to be up much longer, I just...I want to finish some stuff. It won't be long.

[ Adam raises an eyebrow, now regretting saying that since Luke apparently was expecting it. He also does not feel that the lack of a gun helps anything. But he's committed, he has to. ]

I can't learn if I don't practice. [ He huffs and crosses his arms. He seems to tense a little when Luke is vague about what he's doing. ] What're you gonna do? [ Sorry, Luke. This is how it'll be now. ]

[He can't be perfect okay. But he looks up at Adam with the most innocent look possible before he holds up both hands in a surrender kind of motion.]

Relax, I'm not going anywhere...I just have some letters I want to finish writing. That cool?

[ He relaxes immediately. Luke could lie, probably, and sneak out since Adam would never know... but he trusts him. ]

Yeah. [ He thinks about apologizing but. Nah. Instead he stands up to get ready for bed. ] Night, Luke. Try to get some rest tonight.

Just don't let me disappear, Imma tell you everything [W10, post-trial]

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