So cradle your head in your hands and breathe [Post-trial Week 9]

[chiseler]

[He hated it. He hated the idea of making Adam wait, hated the idea of not being able to go back to his own room and just stop everything, but he was approached before he could even leave the trial room and had to figure out a way to slip past Adam for a little while. He'd at least had the foresight to let Adam into his room and promised he'd be quick, he had to just decompress for a bit, did his best not to feel bad he skirted the truth and failed anyway.

It's about an hour and a half after the trial when he comes back, unlocking the door and slowly lumbering his way up the ladder to his room. It's become something comfortable knowing that someone was waiting for him. On the other hand, he's a little worried anyway.]

...you still awake? [It's still pretty damn early, he'd be surprised if Adam was asleep.]

Comments

[antietam]

[ It's entirely possible Adam isn't in the place to promise anything to Luke. Not just because of being stuck on a murder spaceship, but also because Adam's life is still a bit unwieldy. He has everything he wants now, but he still has to make it through college, still has to make a life for himself. And he's also going to give Luke a new life too? He wouldn't think it was possible if he didn't have friends at home, friends who are much more heroic than himself.

So no, he's not dangling it in front of Luke. He's thought about it like he thought about it with Opal. The other option is leaving him, which isn't an option at all. ] You'll have it. [ He doesn't add on 'I promise' or anything because he's already certain of it. All they have to do is make it through this and find a way back. Admittedly, a big task.

There's another difference between him and Luke. Adam always thought it was his own fault until recently, but Luke blamed his dad. It's what Adam should have always done. But, as always with Luke, things got worse. He frowns in particular at the idea of Annabeth calling him a monster. His grip tightens just slightly on Luke's arm, protective. ]

It's not you. [ So he can't speak for Luke's dad or do anything that might actually help Luke's issues, but he's going to say it because he always wanted someone to say it to him. ] It's his fault for not caring. You're not unlovable. I'm proof of that.

[chiseler]

[There's a short huff, but it sounds more like tired defeat than disbelief. Adam almost says it in a way Luke believes it without question. Not-questioning left him at the mercy of being someone else's pawn. Questioning left him at the mercy of being someone's tool. It's a delicate balance, he thinks. But he wants to believe Adam's correct and so he says nothing.

The tightened grip doesn't go unnoticed, but like most things like this he doesn't draw attention to it. Adam is, again, the only one who can get away with this. He mulls on the words quietly, unsure of how to proceed immediately. He blatantly remembers lying bloodied on the throne room floor and asking Annabeth if she loved him. He wasn't really sure what kind of love he'd been inquiring about, though her answer wasn't entirely unexpected either. He had screwed up. He knows that.]

You tryin' to confess something to me here? [It's a very ill-timed joke, he knows, but the way his tone shifts is enough indication that despite the fact he's trying to tease him those words do have the necessary impact. It's something he hadn't thought much on since the day before when so many people had expressed their displeasure with his date with the proximity mine. Had he really somehow fooled all of these people into caring about him on some level? How? Perhaps he should be shamed of admitting these things to an eighteen year old but Adam's become an expert on keeping him at ease.

Of course, his brain kicks in helpfully. 'Adam Parrish was abused and unloved by his parents.' Of course Adam understands what to say.] Wanna know something else? You're also proof that things can get better. [Not just for himself, but for Adam himself.]

[antietam]

[ Adam has to stare blankly at him for a few long moments before he realizes that Luke is just making fun of him. It's definitely not the time for it, which is why he was so confused, but he's also used to Ronan's deflection whenever they talk about anything too personal. It's a sign of being affected, and he lets himself think maybe Luke benefited a little from hearing it. That's why he doesn't back down from it, and he wouldn't regret saying it even if Luke didn't care to hear it. He's been regretting that he never told Ronan and Opal that he loved them ever since he came here.

Still, he's not expecting something in return. He pulls his arm back in surprise, but he lingers there on the bed, staring at a spot near Luke like he's trying to come up with something to say. It means a lot to him in whatever way he meant it. That Adam has made things better for himself, that he's made things better for Luke. Both are pretty big. Changing someone else's life and his own. A light smile appears on his face to show he's pleased with it, but then he stands up quickly. ]

Aren't you tired? I didn't mean to keep you up. It... was a good talk, though. [ Which is to say that he's not pretending it didn't happen or that he didn't mean it. It's a very real conversation that became a little too much. He's not an expert at feelings things. ] Thanks.

[chiseler]

[Sorry your friend has a hard time accepting very personal things and is, in fact, sometimes a jackass. It's fine though, he thinks. He can give Adam an amused little grin to try and buffer against the overwhelming impact of the conversation he wasn't even sure he was supposed to have in the first place.

That's what this is, really. Overwhelming. Adam's made things better. Adam gets it. Luke's fate can be fixed now that he's lived through his first life. Things aren't entirely hopeless. And he recognizes that similar deflection and he rolls his eyes.]

I'm not that tired. [Which is all said even as his eyes are closing on their own.] And I'm the one who kept us up, don't worry about it. Thanks for...yeah. [Apparently whatever spell had been going on here broke because now they're back to being a little uncertain and normal. That suits him fine.] Just turn out the lights whenever you go to bed.